7 Ways to influence (and resist)


Do it…

1.    Because you like me, and you’re like me

2.    Do it to reciprocate, repay past or future debt or promise

3.    Do it because everyone else is doing it

4.    This offer is good for a limited time only

5.    Do it to be consistent, with past, with values, with type

6.    You can believe me, I’m an authority

7.    Do it or else


No, because…

1.    I like you, but I don’t like this proposal

2.    Is this a favour? Are you looking for something in return?

3.    Just because everyone else is doesn’t mean..

4.    If I don’t have time to think, I don’t have time to buy

5.    I need to think about what I want, and be consistent with that

6.    If I were you I might, but I’m not you

7.    Please explain the “or else” slowly so I fully understand

How to react to negative feedback (possibly bullying)

1.    Ask for time to think – it should force a pause or moment of silence.

2.    Think about what you want to happen – don’t fight back, think forward.

3.    Get the bully to stop yelling – “Please speak more slowly, I’d like to understand” or (if on the phone) say nothing until they ask “Are you still there?”

4.    What ever you do don’t explain – think forward, don’t justify, recriminate, excuse or offer explanation. They’re looking to exploit weaknesses (-) not strength (+)

5.    Ask “what would you like me to do?”. If so challenged they will ask you for something more acceptable than what they want. This is your exit opportunity.

6.    Don’t take criticism personally – attacks on your team, your work, your values, etc are not attacks on you. Although it is hard to resist “fight or flight”

7.    Learn from criticism – if you wait 24 hrs before answering criticism it will demonstrate maturity, reasonableness and you may learn something!

As a ICF Coach, Mediation Practitioner and APMG Change Practitioner,  I can offer tools, tips and templates as well as facilitation and mediation to support communications and change.

Tim Rogers Mob 447797762051 

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